How did I know I would fail?

Well my life has turned from nothing to everything. Seriously it's gotten as hectic as it used to be. I'm loving it, it's like fresh air for my lungs. I feel like for a while I was suffocating only breathing in smoke and smog. A new day has dawned in my life and it's one of the most wonderful feelings in the world.

Everyday I wake up in a great mood, excited for whatever my day is going to bring me. Each day I'm falling more in love with Carlos, which is one of the most amazing feelings in the world. Each day I'm realizing the blessings in my life. Anyways more of that in my other blog :).

In the transitions of my life that I've gone through in the past month I've lost track of that healthy eating and exercising. But there's something different this time. Every other time that I ever lost track, which is every time I've attempted :P, I've felt defeated. I have felt the grasp of destruction and just allowed it to pull me under, I would accept the defeat and stay there for months. This time is much different. I am determined like I've never been before. Every day it's on my mind, not just health and weight and such but a healthy lifestyle. I make conscious choices each day trying to make life healthier for myself and they are almost getting to be second nature. I guess in the end that's my goal. That I would make healthy lifestyle choices like it was natural. When I go to grab a snack I will grab a piece of fruit instead of crackers, when I need to go to the bank I will walk if it's nice out, when I have an evening free I will go to a fitness class at my gym.

Recently I got some results back from my cardiologist, which were somewhat alarming, even for me who doesn't take anything the doctor says seriously. I have always had to see a cardiologist every two years, it's just something that's a natural thing for me. I have a Mitral Valve Prolapse, but it's gotten better over the years, it's to the point now where it doesn't leak, but they still have to keep an eye on it. As well they need to keep an eye on my Aorta and make sure that it doesn't enlarge, it's always been normal. But this time around things weren't so normal. My Aorta is starting to enlarge, as well as the left side of my heart. I'm not one to worry about things like this, and even now I'm not overly worried, it's not affecting my quality of life right now, but it could and it probably will if I don't look after myself. So now I have a lot more motivation over and above my own desire to be healthy.

Well there's an update on my trip to a healthy lifestyle.

The Ride

Last week I was so motivated, and this week... not so much. Even so I've forced myself to keep up with my goals. For once in my life I'm going to really focus on me, my needs, and my health. This change requires a lot of motivation, and different thinking. I am determined though.

Last week was a dud in terms of nutrition and exercise, my parents came which dumped that all down the drain. I'm back on track in that department now though, and day 2 of exercise and healthy eating is creating a lot more energy in my body. I'm thankful for that, if nothing else I feel much better and that is worth it.

I'm feeling hopeful today. I'm hoping for a lot of things, and believing for a lot more. I'm in this place of transition and instead of getting antsy and anxious I'm trying to take everything one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time. I feel like God's put me in this place of waiting for a huge purpose. So although I'm technically "jobless" I'm taking my time and really trying to use this time to do a lot of things I've put on the back burner. That's not to say I don't apply for any jobs, on the contrary I think I've probably applied for upwards of 35 jobs in the last 3 weeks. I know something will come through and I'm feeling calm and collected for the first time in months. I really feel like everything is OK. I'm OK, where I'm at and who I am. It's a wonderful feeling and I can only thank the grace of God for it.

My life has been a roller coaster, and I think I'm coming to the end of this coaster. It's been wild, thrilling, sickening, frightening, and unstable, but I think the next ride will be a much better experience!

I guess it's time to wind down for the night, until next time,

Ciao!

Things don't always go the way I want...

Well

My last post said I was off to get a bed and then to the gym. So I went to get the bed, to no avail. Long story not for here, anyways in the midst of that my 4 am wake up yesterday morning kicked me in the head, literally, well maybe not literally but it sure felt like it! Anyways so I came home and went to bed at 8:30. After I did some sit ups etc to make me feel a bit better :)

Today I went to a job interview and then to get the bed (in the rain) and then to get some new sheets and presents for my parents and I still feel sick from my cold. So I didn't make it to the gym again! I wish the gym was open in the morning that would make my life a lot easier. I guess I'll have to settle with rollerblading in the morning and gym in the afternoon. I keep telling myself this journey's going to be worth it, and so far I still beleive myself.

My eating habits are improving though! I'm pretty proud of myself, I usually cave the second day and give in to every temptation around me. This time I'm keeping a journal which makes me feel very accountable.

Tomorrow my parents are coming and staying until Sunday which will make working out even harder since I want to spend as much time with them as I can. Early morning runs/rollerblading here I come!!

Well until next time.....

The Journey to the Real Me

Lately I have been motivated. Motivation is something that's been very absent from my life the last while. I was wondering if I was destined to live my life apathetic and feeling lifeless. I'm not really sure what clicked/changed in the last little bit, maybe a nudge from God, maybe a frustration with myself regardless here I am feeling alive and motivated; what a blessing!

I have a running track that I work out to. It's basically just upbeat music specifically designed for runners with the occasional lyric interruption. One of the lyrics says,

Are you alive, yes I am
Are you alive, I am indeed

Every time I hear that I get a feeling like there's is so much more to being "alive"

And so with that I have decided if I want more to life I have to be the igniter. That is what this blog is all about. It's about losing who/what I thought I should be and finding who/what I really am.

I have said that a lot in my life but I've always been too lazy to go ahead and do it. But in the midst of finding myself I have decided to stop procrastinating, that journey is going well so far, a lot of thanks to my boyfriend Carlos, who lacks some patience!

So this blog is going to record my journey to a healthy balanced lifestyle. Currently I have no balance, I honestly go from one extreme to the next which makes me feel like I'm drowning in a world of chaos. So my first step to being healthy and balanced is eating healthy and exercising. I'm doing it for a lot of reasons, I need to lose weight (30lbs), I need to be healthy to live the rest of my life healthily, I want to treat my body with some respect.

A healthy lifestyle is not just eating and exercising though. It's about emotions, mind, and spirit to. So as I journey I'm going to examine my emotions, bring my mind under control, and search for God once again.

One big thing I've had to overcome is the thought of NOW. I want to see results NOW, I don't want to wait for change. I'm coming to realize that this is a lifelong change and I'm just going to have to have A LOT of patience. And I need some accountability which is the biggest reason for my blog. Even if no one reads it I know it's here and I'm going to post regularly.

So off I go to get a new bed then to the gym whether I like the thought of it or not!!

Ciao!